A Comprehensive Look at Shit Happening in the World
Shit Happens in Various Religions:
Agnosticism:
How can we know if shit happens?
What is this shit?
You can't prove any of this shit..
It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not.
Amish:
Shit is good for the soil.
This modern shit is worthless.
Anglicanism:
It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
Atheism:
I don't believe this shit.
Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead.
No shit!
Bahaism:
Why do you keep shitting on us?
Baptism:
We'll wash the shit right off you.
You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
Buddhism:
If shit happens it is not really shit
If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
Shit will happen again to you next time.
Calvinism:
Shit happens because you didn't work hard enough.
Catholicism:
Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
Shit happens because you are BAD.
If shit happens, you deserve it
Christian Science:
When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.
Our shit will take care of itself.
Shit it in your mind.
Science Shit is in your mind.
Confucianism:
Confucius say, ``Shit Happens''
Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY."
Darwinism:
Survival of the shittiest.
Dianetics:
"Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)
Episcopalianism:
If shit happens, hold a procession.
Est:
You're responsible for all the shit that happens.
I am at cause that shit will not happen.
Evangelical:
Send us all your shit.
Fundamentalism:
Shit happens, but don't publish it.
There's no shit in the Bible.
Greek Orthodox:
Shit happens, usually in three's.
Hare Krishna:
Shit Happens, Rama Rama (Ding Ding).
Please this flower and buy our shit.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it, she-it...
(Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Hinduism:
I`ve seen this Shit before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
This shit happening IS you.
Islam:
If shit happens, take a hostage.
If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
We don't take any shit.
Jehovah's
Witnesses:
Knock Knock, ``Shit Happens.''
Here, we insist you take our shit.
Shit happens door to door.
No shit happens until Armaggedon.
There is only a limited amount of good shit.
JimJonesism:
This Kool-Aid tastes like shi...
Judaism:
Why does this shit always happen to us?
Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?
Reform Judaism:
Got any laxatives?
Lutheranism:
Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.
Moonies:
Only happy shit really happens.
Mormon:
This shit is going to happen again.
Our shit is better than your shit.
Shit happens again & again & again ...
If shit happens, shun it.
Crap happens (you can't say shit in Utah)
Mysticism:
This is really weird shit.
Nation of Islam:
Don't take no shit.
New Age:
Were all part of the same shit.
For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.
That's not shit, it's feldspar.
A firm shit does not happen to me.
This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
I create my own shit.
If shit happens, honor it and share it.
Sheeeeeeeeeeit!
Orthodox:
St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.
Paganism:
Shit happens for a variety of reasons.
Protestantism:
Let the shit happen to someone else.
Shit won't happen if I work harder.
If shit happens, praise the lord for it!
Rajhneesh:
Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.
Rastafarianism:
Let's smoke this shit.
Hey, this is good shit, mon.
Satanism:
We hope bad shit happens to all of you.
We will make your shit happen.
Scientology:
All this happens to be shit.
If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.
Secular Humanism:
Shit evolves.
Seventh Day
Adventist:
No shit on Saturdays.
Shamanism:
Whoaa...Holy Shit!
Shintoism:
You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
Sikhism:
Leave our shit alone
Southern Baptist:
Shit will happen. Praise the lord.
Taoism:
Shit happens.
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.
Televangelism:
Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.
Twelve Step:
Shit happens one day at a time.
Unitarianism:
What is this Shit?
It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.
We affirm the right for shit to happen.
Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.
Voodooism:
This shit's gonna get you
Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
Let's stick some pins in this shit!
Wicca:
The Goddess makes shit happen.
If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
Mix this shit together and it will happen
Zen:
What is the sound of shit happening?
Shit Happens in Various Ways:
Yuppie:
It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it beautiful?
Employer:
Shit happens, and rolls down hill.
Employee:
I've done my shit, so can I take the day off?
This shit's not part of my contract.
Environmentalist:
Shit is biodegradable.
Heisenberg:
Shit happened, we just don't know where.
Quantum Dynamics:
Shit happens only in well-defined quantities.
Einstein:
Shit is Relative.
Washington:
I cannot tell a lie--shit happened.
Lincoln:
Four score and seven shits ago...
Nixon:
Shit didn't happen, and if it did I din't know anything about it.
Reagan:
Well, I do believe that shit happened. I was just taking a nap.
Quayle:
Whye doe peopl treate mee lik shite?
Clinton:
I didn't inhale this shit.
I tried this shit before and I didn't like it so....
Bush Sr:
Read my lips: no more shit!
Wouldn't be prudent to shit at this juncture.
This looks like foreign shit. Let Baker handle it.
McCarthy:
Are you now, or have you ever been, shit?
Martin Luther King:
Black shit and white shit CAN coexist...
Julius Caesar:
I came, I saw, I shitted. (Veni, Vidi, Shitti)
John Paul Jones:
I have not yet begun to shit.
James T. Kirk:
... to boldly shit where no one has shit before!
Computer Science:
There's a bug somewhere in this shitttttttttttttttttttttttttt
Macintosh:
(Enough said)
UNIX/C:
A core dump... Shit!
IBM/DOS:
It's shit, but at least it's compatible.
Communism:
It's everybody's shit.
Marxism:
The rich shit exploits the poor shit, but deep down all shit is alike.
Dictatorship of the shit.
Capitalism:
Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
If you're gonna sell that shit, at least make a profit.
Cannibalism:
Don't eat the shit.
Vegetarianism:
If it happens to shit, don't eat it.
Hedonism:
There's nothing quite like a good shit.
Stoicism:
This shit is good for me.
Existentialism:
Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
Shit happening is absurd.
Realism: I think I need to take a shit.
Denialism:
What shit?
Purism:
If shit has to happen, let ONLY shit happen.
Procrastination:
I'll take care of this shit ... tomorrow.
Avoidanceism:
With all this happening, I think I'll go shit.
Repressionism:
I'll hold this shit in forever.
Fatalism:
Oh shit, it's going to happen!
Surrealism:
Fish!
Nihilism:
Let's blow this shit up!
Fetishism:
I love when shit happens.
Masochism:
Do shit to me!
Sadism:
I will shit on you!
Freudianism:
Shit is a phallic symbol.
Shit Happens According to Various Philosophers:
Thales:
Earth, Air, Fire, and Shit
Epicurus:
If shit happens, enjoy it.
Socrates:
What is shit? Why is shit?
Aristotle:
The essence of shittyness...
Descartes:
I think, so why am I in this shit?
I shit, therefore I am.
Leibniz:
The best of all possible shit in this world made for shit.
Thoreau:
I wanted to live deliberately ... to suck all the shit out of life.
Sartre:
Shit is meaningless!
What is shit, anyway?
Shit Happens In Various Professions:
Mathematician:
Shit happening is just a special case...
Statistician:
There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe.
Physicist:
To within experimental error, this is shit.
Engineer:
I hope this shit holds together.
Chemist:
I hope this shit doesn't blow up.
Gee, what'll happen if I mix this and ... SHIT!!!!
Biologist:
Is this shit alive?
Economist:
I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand this shit.
Beurocrat:
I'm sorry, but we can't do this shit until you fill out form XJ-314159 to make an appointment with our Assistant Sub-Deputy Manager to obtain form ZN-271828...
Lawyer:
For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit.
Doctor:
Take two shits and call me in the morning.
Yes, it's definitely a case of shit. $99.95, please...
Shit, where's this organ supposed to go?
Psychologist:
Shit is in your mind.
Everything that happens is shit; it is just repressing its subconscious shittiness.
Programmer:
It's shit, but at least it compiles.
Social Scientist:
Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen...
Politician:
It's shit, but it'll get me elected.
If you elect me, there will never again be shit.
Shit is bad for the economy.
Waitress:
You want fries with that shit?
Musician:
This shit is out of tune.
Dean:
Let's see how much shit the faculty'll take.
Accountant:
Why doesn't this shit add up?
Linguist:
What I'm doing is a bunch of feces tauri.
(For non-Latin-speakers: feces tauri=the excrement of a bull)
QC Inspector:
This shit ain't good enough.
IRS Auditor:
I'll make 'em squirm for putting this shit on their tax forms.